Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I'll be entering the adult world, a world in which I'm not yet prepared to lead. 

I'm quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.

Comments

This essay is a great example of how to answer this question well. This applicant chose characters who demonstrated specific traits that reflect on his own personality. We believe that he is sincere about his choices because his reasons are personal (being from a small town, and so forth). He managed to tell us a good deal about himself, his values, and his goals while maintaining a strong focus throughout. He didn't pick Napoleon or Abraham Lincoln, but clearly thought about his choice of characters.

Why feminism? The path there was so clear and miraculous that I knew it had to be right:

A voice called her softly. She looked and saw a twisting road with obstacles at every turn. The path of silence she was on was so smooth and safe: no one would ridicule her, ostracize her, or hate her. Why should she switch to the difficult road of social battles and criticism? The voice called again and she knew she must take the twisting path, for herself, her sisters, her mothers, and her daughters to be. "But I'm scared!" she cried to the wind. "We all were at first," a million voices whispered back, and this gave her the strength to take the first step on the winding road. And after the first step, it was easy.

Encouraged by a personal meeting with Gloria Steinem, I decided to start a young feminist club at [name] High School to address issues of gender equality. We organized a feminist assembly to raise conscious-ness about women's issues and to dispel the myths surrounding feminism. We also held a bake sale to benefit Planned Parenthood, and we participated in many Pro-Choice rallies and marches. I spent much of my free time volunteering for local social activism groups, such as the Marin Abused Women's Services and the San Francisco Chapter of the National Organization for Women.

Other social activities provide experiences in the political and judicial world. My sense of justice and desire for competition drew me to Mock Trial, where I am trained as an attorney and argue a difficult case in front of a real judge. This not only teaches me about the judicial system, but also about my own legal rights. I also enjoy Model United Nations, where we act as delegates from other countries in large conferences modeled after the United Nations. This shows me how the policies that affect this country and others are made.

These are only some of the social activities in which I immerse myself. In addition to these, I love writing. I especially enjoy creative writing, such as plays and poems, and I work as Features Editor on the school paper. I like poems and plays because they're a creative way to express my social views and the school paper lets me explain and illustrate important points to a large number of people. All these activities usually keep me busy. In fact, the only real obstacle to obtaining my high school diploma was my lack of time for academics, due to my involvement in all these exciting activities. I found myself staying up all night to finish homework because I had had a NOW meeting or a campaign phone-banking session during the afternoon and evening!

My various activities have taught me many things. Most importantly, I've learned that one must work to change the world, yet one must also have a sense of humor. Nothing can be taken too seriously, even oneself. Above all, we must always work to help others because that is the only way to truly help ourselves.

Comments by Admissions Officers who Assisted in the Creation of this Course

This is another case where the applicant expressed her passion for the subject well. None of the officers reacted negatively to the creative first half. Below are additional comments by admissions officers:

The overall essay was very well thought out. . . . She was able to articulate her personal discovery of feminism and translate how she has incorporated it into her everyday life.

I thought her essay flowed nicely from her interest in feminism to how she is engaged with her various activities and how she has grown from her high school experience.

I would hesitate a bit over her comment about how all of her activities interfered with her academics and will check her transcript for weak grades. High grades will impress me.

Seated in the plane I began to study the pieces I would soon be performing, trying to dispel the flutterings in my stomach. I listened to some professional recordings on my Walkman, mimicking the fingerings with my left hand while watching the sheet music. 

"Where ya goin'?" smiling businessman-seatmate interrupted.

"To the National High School Orchestra," I answered politely, wanting to go back to the music. "It's composed of students chosen from each state's All-State ensemble." After three days of rehearsal, the orchestra would be giving a concert at a convention center in Cincinnati. I focused back on the music, thinking only of the seating audition I would have to face in a few hours.

When I arrived at the hotel in Cincinnati, instruments and suitcases cluttered every hallway, other kids milled around aimlessly, and the line to pick up room keys was infinitely long. In line I met my social security blanket, a friendly Japanese exchange student, [name], who announced proudly and frequently, "I fro Tayx-aas!" Both glad to have met someone, we adopted each other as friends of circumstance, and touched on a few of the many differences between Japanese and American culture (including plumbing apparatuses!)

Soon all of the performers received an audition schedule, and we went rushing to our rooms to practice. I had an hour until my audition, and repeated the hardest passages ad nauseam. When my time finally came, I flew up to the ninth floor and into the dreaded audition room. Three judges sat before a table. They chatted with me, futilely attempting to calm me. All too soon they resumed serious expressions, and told me which sections to perform. They were not the most difficult ones, but inevitably my hands shook and sweated and my mind wandered. . . .

I felt giddy leaving the audition room. The immense anxiety over the audition was relieved, yet the adrenaline still rushed through me. I wanted to yell and laugh and jump around and be completely silly, for my long-awaited evaluation was over. After dinner the seating list would be posted and I would know just where I fit in with the other musicians, all of whom intimidated me by their mere presence at the convention.

Solitary, having been unable to find [name] or any of my three roommates, I entered the dining room. I glanced feverishly around the giant room which swarmed with strangers.

I gathered up all of my courage and pride for the first time ever, and approached a group I had no preconceived notions about. I sat quietly at first, gathering as much information as I could about the new people. Were they friend material? After careful observation of their socialization, I hypothesized that these complete strangers were very bright and easy to talk to, and shared my buoyant (but sometimes timid), sense of humor. I began to feel at home as we joked about S.A.T.'s, drivers' licenses, and other teenage concerns. I realized then how easy it is to get along with people I meet by coincidence. I became eager to test my newfound revelation. 

The flutterings returned to my stomach when I approached the seating lists which everyone strained to see. "I knew it; I got last chair," I heard someone announce. My flutterings intensified. I located the violin list and scanned for my name from the bottom up. My tender ego wouldn't let me start at the top and get increasingly disappointed as I read farther and farther down. "There I am, seventh seat. Pretty good out of twenty," I thought. . . .

Every day at the convention seemed long, only because we did so many wonderful things. We rehearsed for at least seven hours each day, made numerous outings, and spent time meeting new friends. 

On the second day, during a luncheon boat ride on the Ohio River, [name] and I sat together, both dreaming of Japan. Looking over at her as we talked, I remembered that in two days I would be torn from the young, promising friendships I had been building. When some friends-including a few I had met at the dinner table on the first night-approached us, bearing a deck of cards, I became absorbed in a jovial game and quickly forgot my sorrow.

Rehearsals were magical right from the start, because everyone rapidly grew accustomed to the strangely professional sound of the group and began to play without reserve, with full dynamics. I continually gazed, wide-eyed, around the large, bright room, watching others, admiring their skill. We were surrounded by pure talent, and the sky was our limit. We blossomed under the conductor's suggestions, using our pre-developed technique to its fullest. 

Each time the orchestra played, my emotion soared, wafted by the beauty and artfulness of the music, bringing goose-bumps to my skin and a joyful feeling to my soul. I felt the power of the group-the talent and strength of each individual-meld into a chorus of heavenly sound. I was just where I wanted to be. I had everything I'd ever need. I was no longer doubting myself among strangers; I was making music with friends.

Comments by Admissions Officers who Assisted with the Creation of this Course

This essay contains a good example of wowing the committee with a good closing sentence. Last lines are usually hard to manage. However, this essayist does a great job with hers, and the panel definitely noticed.

The last sentence of the essay is wonderfully composed.

The last line of this essay captures what I think are the two strong points of this piece. First of all, the author is an accomplished musician. No matter what sort of institution you are applying to, be it a music program, a liberal arts university, or a technical institution, strong musical ability will always be a big plus with the admission committee. This is because they know that proficiency in music requires self-discipline, a desire to improve and a willingness to learn. If you have achieved a notable level of accomplishment in some area of music, and have also succeeded in maintaining good grades, it tells an admission officer that you can manage your time well and set your priorities. The second strong point of this essay is the author's description of how she made friends and became completely immersed in appreciating and enjoying the entire experience. This tells an admission officer that she will almost certainly take to the college experience the same way, that she will overcome initial shyness, throw herself into a new situation, and soon extract every ounce of pleasure and personal growth from the experience. She will certainly be an asset to the incoming class.

One day when I was flipping through my latest travel magazine, I came across something I had never seen before. It was a page filled with the addresses of kids from all over the world who wanted pen pals! I could barely contain my excitement as I dashed into the kitchen to ask my mother if I could write to one of them. She said, half-paying attention, "Sure, dear, whatever you like," and I bounded happily back to my room. But then I was faced with a dilemma-which one should I write to? So I did what seemed logical at the time, and after eeny-meeny-miny-mo-ing my finger landed on an address from Finland. It belonged to a girl named [name]. . . .

That was the beginning of my first overseas friendship, and there would be many more to come. In one of her letters, [Name] sent me a little booklet called an "FB" or "friendship book." Inside it, many people had scrawled their names, addresses and a few of their hobbies. The idea was to add your name to the FB, write to anyone else you found interesting, and send it along to another one of your pen pals. So I flipped through the FB and wrote my name on a blank page, but having no one else to send it to, I returned it to [Name].

Within a month I received letters from the Philippines and from Austria. I was extremely shocked to be getting mail from people I didn't even know, but nevertheless I was very excited! In the ensuing months I wrote my name in many more FB's, and I continued to get letters from places as far away as Mauritius, Estonia, Korea, Sweden, Germany, Denmark, and Indonesia. Over the years I've become very close to a number of my pen pals, and I can honestly say that some of my best friends live in other countries.

My pen pals are much more than friends, though. They have taught me about their cultures, their politics, and many other things that I never would have learned in school. In a day's mail, I can learn about anything from Maltese cuisine to the collapse of the pearl industry in Bahrain to the various slang words used by teenagers in England (although I still don't know what "fanned" means). What I learn is not only interesting, but may prove to be invaluable later on in a future career. I've wanted to get involved in international business/relations and foreign languages for as long as I can remember, but I was never able to see the world from so many different perspectives until I started corresponding internationally. Every letter I receive adds another piece to my jigsaw-puzzle-view of the world.

Many things have changed since I've gotten involved in international correspondence. I have become more knowledgeable about world events. I am an avid stamp collector, and I must be the best customer the post office has ever had. But there is one thing that has remained the same over the years-I'm still the dreamer who wanted to see the world. Only now, some of my dreams are finally starting to come true as I live vicariously through the ink of my foreign friends.

Comments by Admissions Officers who Assisted in the Creation of this Course

Most of the suggestions for improvement centered around the fact that not much actually happens in the essay.

The writer is direct and clear. She takes the reader along for the ride. It's simply not a very exciting one.

She could do one thing to dramatically improve this essay: avoid getting caught up in generalizations. She never really communicates the impact of her statement, "Many things have changed since I've gotten involved in correspondence. . . ." I wanted one real example. I thought this essay was going to be about her friend and some specific instances when the writer learned from her. But, it wasn't. This essay is hardly worth remembering.

It seemed that the student was just getting the essay going and then stopped. The experience was interesting but the evolution of the essay fell short of being a complete work.

"Je deteste des Americains," said the old Swiss woman sitting across from me. Her face contorted into a grimace of disgust as she and her friend continued to complain that Americans had no culture, that they never learned another language, and that their inferior customs were spreading throughout Europe like an infectious disease. Each hair on the back of my neck sprang to attention, as I strained to hear the women's inflammatory remarks. I gripped my bag of McDonald's harder with each insulting phrase.

I had been living in Geneva, Switzerland for four years, during which time I had attended an international school consisting of over 96 different nationalities. I had already become fluent in French and had become accustomed to the new culture in which I was living-a culture which I had believed to be rich in tolerance and acceptance. Naturally, the women's remarks hurt. Was I really an "ugly American?" Did I have no appreciation of anything other than McDonald's or Coca-Cola? Had I not been touched by the new world I had been exposed to?

Without question, my four years in Switzerland changed my life in countless ways. From the minute I stepped off the plane at Cointrin Airport, the vastly different sights along the clean street, the ubiquitous smells of rich delicious French cuisine, and my feelings of excitement about my new surroundings told me that I definitely was "not in Kansas anymore." My school helped greatly in modifying my attitudes, as for the first time I was with peers from countries which I had only read about. Although it was sometimes difficult trying to find links between my self and my Saudi Arabian, Hungarian, French, Nigerian, or Chilean friends, I soon came to enjoy my new stir fry environment. By the time I left, I was wondering how I ever could survive the boredom of attending a homogeneous institution. This is not to say that, prior to this, I had been closed up in a bland box of a world. I had traveled to India, my father's home, and England, my mother's home, annually: a practice my family and I continue to this day. I had been brought up without specific religious beliefs, but an awareness of my parents' spiritual backgrounds of Judaism and Hinduism. Thus my exposure to these various different nationalities in Switzerland built on my found-ations of cultural awareness, rather than laying the cornerstone for it.

My understanding of my new environment was aided tremendously by my ability to speak French, and was subsequently one of the best gifts I brought back from my four year stay in Switzerland. An entire year of school lessons could not have taught me as much of the language as I learned form speaking with my Swiss friends, shopping in the local stores, or apologizing to my neighbors for hitting my ball into their yard. My proficiency in French earned me a regular spot on a nationally broadcast Swiss radio program, in which a Russian child and I discussed tensions between major world powers. This was a rare opportunity, as, although Stephen and I were peers, the fact that Russian children attended the Soviet Embassy school meant that we were not classmates. Though, even if we had been allowed to speak casually before, I am not certain that our conversation would have reached the depth of discussion we achieved on the show.

America will never again seem the same to me. Geneva gave me enough distance to look at my country through objective eyes. Traveling throughout Europe was like a trip with Gulliver: it gave me the ability to look inside myself and discern my country's faults as well as its numerous strengths. Like the Swiss women's remarks, it hurt me to find that the United States is not the only country in the world with a rich and stimulating environment. With my new perspective, I saw that America was not what it had been. Then I thought for a moment and realized that America had not changed, but I had.

Comments by Admissions Officers who Assisted with the Preparation of this Course

One officer called this, "A good example of a foreign culture essay that works." The only negative comments about this essay came from one officer who found the conclusion to be a bit weak. "I would like to see her elaborate a little more in the last paragraph." Another agreed that she could have kept her final points more personal and specific. Below are other comments by officers:

The writing is excellent.

The vocabulary is sophisticated without seeming labored. I do not suspect that the author had a thesaurus at hand! This tells me that she/he would certainly be successful academically, at least in the courses that require strong communication and analytical abilities.

This essay is very well written. The writer demonstrates a refreshing maturity that seems to come from his/her abroad experience. The essay demonstrates a transformation of the student from just an American in a foreign land to someone who embraces the international experience and grew with it.

What I like about this essay is that it shows that the traditional categories of "extracurricular activities" need not be the only way to demonstrate that one has something of interest to bring to the college experience. I think this writer would be a fascinating person to get to know, because she would be able to contribute a fresh perspective to conversations about many of the important ideas that we wrestle with in college. She might well be someone who would be especially adept at bringing together diverse members of the student body because she would not feel intimidated by differences, but would, instead, seek them out and value them highly.